Friday, October 22, 2010

Lick My Face

Yes. I'm back. I got awfully lazy during my summer in Northern Michigan so I think I may have to ease back into this blogging business slowly. By the way, my summer was amazing. I promise, I'll tell you all about it later. Right now I have something more pressing to discuss. Dog licking.

I don't know if you've noticed, but there has been a lot of discussion about dog licking lately. Now I'm not talking about our natural habit of licking and cleaning ourselves. Everyone knows that's perfectly natural. And I'm not talking about incessant paw licking that borders on the pathological. That's probably due to allergies or some other irritant. For that I advise staying off the grass (say what girl?) and switching to a grain-free diet. No, current discussion all seems to revolve around us dogs licking your sweaty mugs. Should it be allowed or not? Now, personally, I like to start each day by jumping up on the bed and licking my dad's face like it was a great big meat lollipop or something. Actually, that's what I see when I look at my dad. A great big meat lollipop on the end of a stick. A lot of people say that puppies lick their mom's face to signal they are hungry. In response mom will regurgitate her food all partially digested and smooth like nature's answer to Gerber's. And I tell you it's true. My pups, when they were little ones, would lick my face when they were hungry. And I would spit up my breakfast for them. I have never seen them enjoy a meal more. They were like cute fuzzy little vultures on a carcass. But, really, when I lick my dad's face in the morning I'm not trying to get him to spit up that protein shake he slurped down right before calling it a night. But, come to think of it, I am kinda hungry in the morning and maybe I am trying to signal to the great big dumb meat lollipop that it's breakfast time in the same way I did to my mom when I was a pup. Never really thought about it that way before. This blog is way better than any therapist's couch!

But, anyway, all the current chatter centers on the benefits to humans derived from a good old-fashioned tongue bath. Well, two of my pups live with a plastic surgeon and he told me about a study that found that scars treated with the gentle lick of a dog heal faster and more completely. My dad extrapolated and decided that all this licking must be like a natural wrinkle cream or the best dermabrasion treatment ever. Now he will do anything to get me to lick his face. Honestly, he really doesn't have to. I love the taste of all those potions, tinctures, and ointments he applies to his face every night standing in front of the bathroom mirror before he puts on his soothing lavender eye mask and slides into bed. Now don't laugh and please don't tell anyone. He looks darn good for 82. Anyway, that stuff he puts on his face is like food for the gods to me. Really I can't get enough.

So all this face licking leads quite naturally to another debate. Do dogs have emotions and is a lick equivalent to a kiss? Well, as a dog, I can tell you I do have emotions. I do love my great big dumb meat lollipop and my pups and, of course, my Frisbee.